Last week brought earth-shattering news. Almost as many people in England and Wales now speak Polish as Welsh.
“From your corner shop selling tall cans of Polish lager to the cliche of all those plumbers from Poland,” stammered the Mirror. “It has been plain for a while that the face of this country is changing quickly.
“But quite how quickly, and quite how much, was only really revealed today.”
The Express illustrated its story with a photo of Asian women in headscarves.
All the preaching about the need to speak the language of the country you live in would probably come as news to the expats on the Costa del Sol.
And it’s been open season for pedlars of the myths that migrants put strain on public services and benefits.
They don’t. The majority even speak good English—though some do dare to speak Polish to other Poles.
At least the government’s new citizenship test should make sure no one settles here without being steeped in “Britishness”.
It’s careful not to let the truth get in the way of our “long and illustrious history” of war crimes.
“From medieval stained glass” to “our national love of gardening,” there’s plenty of “culture” too. Culture that you don’t have to be especially unBritish to not know or care much about.
Many newspapers ran a “crash course in Polish”—mainly translating snide references to plumbing.
Perhaps they’d have done better to look up “hypocrisy”.
HMV workers briefly took over the firm’s Twitter last week, “live from HR where we’re all being fired! Exciting!”
Staff tweeting raced against bosses deleting. Workers “overheard our Marketing Director (he’s staying, folks) ask ‘How do I shut down Twitter?’”
They also revealed that “these accounts were set up by an intern (unpaid, technically illegal)”
Tory early years minister Liz Truss reckons childminders should have to juggle more children than ever before.
It’s cheaper than proper funding for childcare, even if it’s not as good for children. Truss’ own two kids won’t be affected though.
Truss pays for a nanny, which she says is “an absolute lifesaver”.